You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
