He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
