Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
