I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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