Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
