so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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