I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
