I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My sheets look like a crime scene.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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