oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
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She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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