I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize