i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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