when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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