question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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