his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
