I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
