She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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