consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
