I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize