either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
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Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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