My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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