I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
