never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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