I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
