I skipped work to stalk him.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
