Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
