i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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