Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
