he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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