i already hear my dad disowning me
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
