gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
