i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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