Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
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He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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