so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
is that a dick in a sweater?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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