no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
