guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
