Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
