My friends, they love my intelligence
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
