This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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