Pappa wants mamma naked
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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