I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
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So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
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Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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