Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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