The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
