Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
