blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Those nachos came to me in a dream
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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