My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
