i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
