I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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