What a fucking waste of an outfit
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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