gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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