My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
