some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
