Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
