I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm eating all of the evidence.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
