Where is the hickey?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
