Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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