White coat. Heels.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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