I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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