so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
