A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
