that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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