That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
