Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
