Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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