Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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