OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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