Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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