that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
