I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
