Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
